The only thing certain in life is uncertainty.
I can’t control what happens around me, but I can control how I perceive what happens and the thoughts I choose to have about it. My interpretation of the circumstances I find myself in is ultimately up to me.
Understanding and embodying this concept has been incredibly empowering because it means I take ownership of my thoughts, emotions, and words. I am not a victim of my circumstances.
Some people resist this idea because it requires taking responsibility for how they perceive and respond to their experiences. It can feel easier to blame others or circumstances for the way we feel. But blaming others ultimately gives our power away.
Don’t get me wrong, I fully acknowledge that many things that happen to us are completely outside of our human control. If I’m sitting at a red light and a car comes up behind me and slams into my vehicle, on a human level, I did nothing to cause that accident. I was simply sitting there.
But on a soul level, I believe I agreed for it to happen.
Let me explain.
I believe we are all souls having a human experience, here to love, grow, and learn our lessons. In the example of the accident, on a human level, I didn’t cause it. But on a soul level, I agreed to experience it because there was something for me to learn.
There is so much learning that can come from an experience like that.
How do I respond to the accident? Am I angry? Do I immediately blame the person who hit me? Do I become consumed with resentment? Do I sue for damages? If I’m injured, how do I handle the experience? Will I see myself as a victim and replay the event over and over for years?
Or will I allow myself to feel whatever I feel, while also recognizing the experience as an opportunity for my soul to learn? Will I allow the situation to unfold as it is meant to unfold, trusting that somehow, no matter what happens, I will be okay?
When I look back on my life, I realize that some of my greatest lessons came from my most difficult experiences. Raising a child with unique needs, going through a divorce, becoming a single parent while returning to school to earn my teaching certification, and starting an entirely new career were all incredibly challenging experiences.
There were many moments when I had no idea how I was going to get through them. But I did. One day at a time.
I could have stayed in a relationship that was unhealthy, but I chose not to. I could have fought for money that I believed I was owed, but I chose not to. I could have allowed myself to become jaded and closed off from love, but I chose not to. I could have stayed angry at my ex and made his life difficult, but I chose not to. I could have remained in a secure job that didn’t pay enough, but I chose not to.
Every challenge gave me an opportunity to choose how I was going to respond.
Thankfully, I didn’t stay stuck in “Why me?” for very long. I visited that place. I had moments of anger, frustration, sadness, and exhaustion. I questioned my circumstances and wondered why I had to go through certain things. But somewhere beneath all of that, I knew there was a better way to live. I chose to live in a way that honored who I truly was, deep down, and I learned to trust that I would be okay.
I also learned that my emotions, thoughts, and words belong to me, and me alone. I stopped blaming other people for what I thought and how I felt. I stopped giving other people the responsibility for my emotional experience and started taking ownership of it myself.
Just yesterday, I found myself in a place where I felt incredibly disrupted energetically. My husband wasn’t feeling well, and Hannah was in a mood that began affecting my mood as well. I could feel myself taking on the energy around me until I realized what was happening. So I separated myself from the situation and went outside to ground myself and release the energy. When my husband checked on me, I told him that I needed some time because I was taking on his energy as my own. He apologized, and I quickly told him there was no need to apologize.
My emotions are mine.
I own them.
If I took on his energy and made it my own, then it was mine to release, not his responsibility to fix. And I did. Years ago, I would have blamed him for “making” me feel the way I did.
But that is a powerless place to live.
When I believe someone else is responsible for how I feel, I put my emotional well-being in their hands. I make myself dependent on their behavior, their words, their choices, or their circumstances.
I’m not willing to live there anymore.
I recognize that my emotions are alarms. They are signals letting me know that something within me is out of alignment. When I feel triggered, overwhelmed, angry, sad, or disconnected, it is my responsibility to become introspective and ask myself what is really happening within me.
What story am I telling myself? What belief am I holding onto?What am I making this situation mean? And most importantly, what is the truth?
This is where I find my power.
Not in controlling what happens. Not in controlling other people. Not in avoiding difficult experiences. But in knowing that I always have a choice in how I respond.
I may not be able to control the circumstances of my life, but I can choose the meaning I give them, the thoughts I hold, the emotions I feel, and the words I speak.
That is freedom.
That is ownership.
And to me, that is incredibly powerful.
