Embracing Change, Embracing Growth

                                             

The words in the image attached to this post couldn’t feel more true to me. I know them deeply because I spent most of my adult life living with a fear of change.

Growing up my life was, for the most part, stable and predictable. I lived in the same house until I moved out on my own, my parents were married up until the day Mom died when I was 40, and there wasn’t much uncertainty in my world. Because of that, I never really learned how to navigate major change.

That all shifted when, at the age of 31, I gave birth to my daughter Hannah, who has special needs. Overnight, the balance I thought I had in my life disappeared. I felt thrown into chaos, uncertainty, and fear. This planted a deep fear of change that I struggled with for years before I chose a different way of being. 

What I eventually realized is that change itself isn’t always the hardest part, it’s the anticipation of it. Our minds race ahead, imagining every possible outcome, often focusing on the worst-case scenarios. I thought going through every possible outcome would make me feel safe.  If I saw it beforehand, I could figure out how I was going to handle it.  I didn't trust myself to know what to do on the spot.  This resulted in a true fear of change that kept me stuck in situations that weren't the best for me.  What I came to realize, however, is that change is always happening. Nothing truly stays the same, even when we convince ourselves it does.

Over time, I came to understand that progress and change are inseparable.  You can’t grow without embracing change.  I started uncovering the beliefs that fueled my fear and self-doubt and was able to transform them into empowering beliefs that no longer stood in the way of my growth. With each limiting belief I replaced, I found more evidence to reinforce the new mindset. Gradually, I retrained my brain to default to these empowered beliefs instead of the limiting ones.

A huge part of that journey was learning who I am on a deeper, soul level and understanding why I’m here in this lifetime. I believe I’m here to learn lessons, to grow, and most importantly, to learn trust. I realized I had a choice: continue reacting to change the way I always had and live in fear, or do the inner work needed to create a different experience. I chose to do the work.

That doesn’t mean change never unsettles me. Sometimes old fears still surface. The difference is that I recognize them much more quickly, and I have tools that help me move through the emotions instead of getting stuck in them. I can shift my thoughts toward ones that truly support me. Now, when those fears get triggered, I can see them for what they are and quiet the noise with compassion, awareness, and trust in myself.

The Exhaustion of Overthinking Every Outcome

                                         

I am no stranger to second-guessing myself or wanting to know the outcome before taking a leap. Up until a few years ago, knowing every possible outcome felt like a requirement before making any decision. I would analyze every option from every angle, calculate the odds of each scenario, and mentally map out my next steps depending on how things unfolded. I believed I was being prepared. Responsible, even.

What I didn’t realize was that I was pouring enormous amounts of energy into things completely outside of my control because I was deeply afraid. I was terrified that if I didn’t predict what was coming, I wouldn’t be able to handle it. Thinking through every “what if” gave me the illusion of control.

At the root of it all, I didn’t trust myself.

The truth is, we can’t control what happens around us, but we can control how we respond. What I needed to learn was how to trust that I would be able to handle whatever came my way in a productive and grounded manner. I needed to trust that I would be okay, even without knowing exactly how things would unfold.

Lacking trust in yourself is a form of self-sabotage because the only person truly suffering is you. Our brains don’t know the difference between something that is actually happening and something we are vividly imagining. The body responds the same way. Every time I mentally rehearsed worst-case scenarios, my body experienced the stress as if those things were happening in real time. Stress hormones were released. My nervous system shifted into fight-or-flight mode. And none of it was even real.

That’s what happens when we don’t trust ourselves, or when we don’t trust that we are supported and capable of navigating life as it comes.

I had faith in a higher power, Source, God, whatever name resonates with you, but that faith wasn’t embodied. Deep down, I didn’t truly believe I would be supported. I didn’t trust that I wasn’t meant to suffer. Instead, I was creating suffering through my thoughts alone.

It sounds dramatic, but it’s true. I wasn’t actually experiencing the things I feared. They existed entirely in my mind, yet my body was paying the price. I was making myself sick with stress created by imagined outcomes.

So what needs to happen?

When making decisions, we have to release the need to know the how, what, where, and when. That doesn’t happen overnight. It takes practice. It requires unpacking the beliefs and fears that keep us stuck in mistrust. But once you begin loosening your grip on control, it becomes incredibly freeing.

Start small.

Choose something low-stakes and practice not analyzing every possible outcome. Maybe it’s picking an outfit for the day or deciding where to eat dinner. Instead of overthinking it, pause and listen to your body. What feels right?

Look at your options and go with your first instinct. Don’t second-guess yourself.

If you’re choosing a restaurant with someone who says, “I don’t care where we go,” notice what you want before immediately shifting into people-pleasing mode. Too often, we know exactly what we want, but then the mind jumps in with questions like, “What if they don’t want that?” or “Maybe I should choose something else.”

That’s another form of self-sabotage. We deny ourselves our own desires because we don’t trust that our wants matter too.

Learning to trust yourself starts in these small moments. And over time, those small moments build the foundation for bigger leaps, deeper peace, and a life no longer ruled by fear of the unknown.

Breaking the anxiety loop: going from fear of the future to self-trust

According the Merriam-Webster dictionary, the medical definition of anxiety is, "an abnormal and overwhelming sense of apprehension and fear often marked by physical signs (such as tension, sweating, and increased pulse rate), by doubt concerning the reality and nature of the threat, and by self-doubt about one's capacity to cope with it."

In simple terms, anxiety is fear of the future. It often appears as overthinking, a strong need for order, a desire for predictability, and wanting to know the outcome of a decision before taking action.

Feeling anxious is a normal human response to certain situations, and it can either help or hinder us. On the positive side, it can act as a motivator, giving us the push or adrenaline rush we need to prepare for challenges like hosting an event, competing in sports, or speaking in front of a crowd. In these cases, the feeling is temporary, usually fading once the event begins, almost like shaking off nervous energy.

However, anxiety becomes harmful when it’s constant. Ongoing stress can keep the body in a prolonged state of fight-or-flight, releasing stress hormones that take a toll on both physical and emotional health over time.

The brain tends to react to imagined situations much like it does to real ones, triggering the same stress responses. So when you fixate on what could go wrong, your body responds as though those negative outcomes are actually happening.

Often, this worry stems from doubting your ability to handle whatever might come. You feel like mentally rehearsing worst-case scenarios will prepare you and bring some sense of control. But since the future is unpredictable, repeatedly running through “what if” situations only puts unnecessary strain on your mind and body without truly giving you control over what happens next.

What needs to happen is this: take time to identify and unpack the limiting beliefs that trigger feelings of fear and uncertainty. Once you bring those to light, you can begin replacing them with beliefs that support you. Over time, this retrains your brain so that stress no longer triggers worst-case thinking by default. Instead, your natural response becomes a sense of calm, grounded in the trust that you can handle whatever comes your way.