I am no stranger to second-guessing myself or wanting to know the outcome before taking a leap. Up until a few years ago, knowing every possible outcome felt like a requirement before making any decision. I would analyze every option from every angle, calculate the odds of each scenario, and mentally map out my next steps depending on how things unfolded. I believed I was being prepared. Responsible, even.
What I didn’t realize was that I was pouring enormous amounts of energy into things completely outside of my control because I was deeply afraid. I was terrified that if I didn’t predict what was coming, I wouldn’t be able to handle it. Thinking through every “what if” gave me the illusion of control.
At the root of it all, I didn’t trust myself.
The truth is, we can’t control what happens around us, but we can control how we respond. What I needed to learn was how to trust that I would be able to handle whatever came my way in a productive and grounded manner. I needed to trust that I would be okay, even without knowing exactly how things would unfold.
Lacking trust in yourself is a form of self-sabotage because the only person truly suffering is you. Our brains don’t know the difference between something that is actually happening and something we are vividly imagining. The body responds the same way. Every time I mentally rehearsed worst-case scenarios, my body experienced the stress as if those things were happening in real time. Stress hormones were released. My nervous system shifted into fight-or-flight mode. And none of it was even real.
That’s what happens when we don’t trust ourselves, or when we don’t trust that we are supported and capable of navigating life as it comes.
I had faith in a higher power, Source, God, whatever name resonates with you, but that faith wasn’t embodied. Deep down, I didn’t truly believe I would be supported. I didn’t trust that I wasn’t meant to suffer. Instead, I was creating suffering through my thoughts alone.
It sounds dramatic, but it’s true. I wasn’t actually experiencing the things I feared. They existed entirely in my mind, yet my body was paying the price. I was making myself sick with stress created by imagined outcomes.
So what needs to happen?
When making decisions, we have to release the need to know the how, what, where, and when. That doesn’t happen overnight. It takes practice. It requires unpacking the beliefs and fears that keep us stuck in mistrust. But once you begin loosening your grip on control, it becomes incredibly freeing.
Start small.
Choose something low-stakes and practice not analyzing every possible outcome. Maybe it’s picking an outfit for the day or deciding where to eat dinner. Instead of overthinking it, pause and listen to your body. What feels right?
Look at your options and go with your first instinct. Don’t second-guess yourself.
If you’re choosing a restaurant with someone who says, “I don’t care where we go,” notice what you want before immediately shifting into people-pleasing mode. Too often, we know exactly what we want, but then the mind jumps in with questions like, “What if they don’t want that?” or “Maybe I should choose something else.”
That’s another form of self-sabotage. We deny ourselves our own desires because we don’t trust that our wants matter too.
Learning to trust yourself starts in these small moments. And over time, those small moments build the foundation for bigger leaps, deeper peace, and a life no longer ruled by fear of the unknown.
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