For much of my life, asking for help was something I struggled with. I believed that needing help meant I was weak, and I never wanted to be perceived that way. People who like to be in control often have a hard time asking for support unless they're highly self-aware, and for most of my life, I wasn't.
I've always valued being able to take care of myself, and I still do. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. In fact, I believe it's a strength. Whenever Steve is fixing something or handling a task that I know I can do, I ask him to show me how to do it rather than simply doing it for me. In my head I'm thinking I want to know how in case he's not around. At its core, that desire comes from wanting to be self-sufficient but it's also driven by fear. Fear of being alone and not trusting I would be able to take care of myself.
It's natural to want the skills and confidence to care for yourself if you ever find yourself alone. The difference is self-sufficiency doesn't have to mean doing everything alone. I can be capable and independent while also knowing that help is available when I need it. I'll be okay, even if I don't know how to do something. I've learned to trust I am always supported and will be okay no matter what.
It took me a long time to develop that trust because my life experiences had taught me a very different lesson.
For most of my adult life, I attracted men who needed support and weren't particularly reliable. I was the strong one. I was the one who got things done. I was the dependable one. As a result, I reinforced the belief that asking for help was a sign of weakness. Looking back, it's no surprise that I kept attracting people who needed rescuing. My energy and beliefs made me a magnet for that type of man.
As I became aware of the limiting beliefs that influenced my relationships, I began to see things from a different perspective. Even though I wasn't as self-aware then as I am now, I knew that if I wanted my life to change, I had to change what was happening within me. That meant looking in the mirror, taking ownership of my choices, and recognizing the role I had played in creating the patterns I kept experiencing. As I unpacked those beliefs, I slowly learned to trust others enough to let them support me, which eventually made it possible for me to do something that once felt impossible: ask for help.
And there's a difference. Allowing someone to help you is one thing. Asking for help is another.
I've always been more than willing to help others in need but the thought of putting someone out or imposing on them by helping me gave me hives. When I met Steve and experienced what it felt like to truly rely on someone, I slowly became more comfortable asking for help with small things. Over time, that expanded into asking for help with bigger things as well.
Ironically, I always told my students and anyone that would listen that asking for help was a sign of strength, not weakness, and I genuinely believed it for them. I just didn't apply that belief to myself.
After years of working on myself and building my energetic tool box, I no longer see asking for help as a failure. When I notice that familiar discomfort surface, I recognize it for what it is: an old limiting belief trying to make a comeback. Instead of letting it control me, I use the tools I've learned to process it, shift it, and move forward.
Life has become so much easier since I stopped believing I have to do everything alone. It's refreshing to know there is nothing wrong with needing help and asking for what you need. The truth is, strength isn't about carrying the entire load by yourself. Sometimes, strength is knowing when to reach out and let others help carry it with you or for you.
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