Breaking Free from "That's Just the Way I Am"

                                        

 There's a saying: "You can't teach an old dog new tricks." It's a metaphor suggesting that, just as an old dog supposedly can't learn new behaviors, people who are set in their ways can't change either. But that simply isn't true, for dogs or for humans. Just as dogs can learn at any age, people can change and grow throughout their lives. It requires three things: awareness, desire, and willingness.

I've heard people say more times than I can count, "That's just the way I am" or "I was raised this way, and I'll never change." These are examples of limiting beliefs. In a previous blog post, I discussed how beliefs are simply stories we tell ourselves. One of the easiest ways to recognize when a limiting belief is influencing your emotions or behavior is by noticing how it feels. If a thought leaves you feeling uncomfortable, restricted, or unhappy, there's a good chance a limiting belief is at work.

For example, you may have grown up with a parent who worried excessively about every little thing. As children often do, you adopted that behavior and carried it into adulthood. Now you find yourself constantly worrying and overthinking. What began as learned behavior eventually became a habit. Because worry doesn't feel good, it's a signal that a limiting belief may be driving your thoughts and actions.

Another example involves family or cultural traditions. Perhaps your family gathered every Sunday for a large meal. As a child, you watched your grandmother and mother spend hours preparing food, and you were given small tasks to help. Over time, those responsibilities increased until you eventually became the person in charge of hosting and preparing the meal.

Now, every Sunday, you're the one carrying the responsibility. Deep down, you no longer want to do it, yet you continue because you feel guilty. You tell yourself that you can't say no because "it's tradition." In reality, the guilt isn't coming from the tradition itself; it's coming from the belief that honoring the tradition requires sacrificing your own needs and desires.

Over time, that guilt is often joined by resentment. You feel trapped between what you want and what you believe you're obligated to do. You've convinced yourself there is no other option so the burden grows heavier and what was once a meaningful family tradition begins to feel like an obligation.

The good news is who you are today is not who you have to be tomorrow. If there are aspects of yourself or your life you'd like to change, growth is always possible.You have the ability to change, grow, and create new patterns at any point in your life. However, lasting change requires three key ingredients, and not everyone is willing to embrace all of them.

The first ingredient is awareness. You cannot change something you don't recognize. If you're unaware of your thoughts, behaviors, and the impact they have on you, those patterns will continue to run on autopilot. When you notice yourself falling into a habit or way of thinking that no longer supports you, pause and ask yourself a few questions: What am I thinking or doing right now? Is this something I truly want to think or do? How does it make me feel? Is this about me, or am I focusing on someone else's behavior?

These questions help you uncover the beliefs and habits operating beneath the surface. They also serve as a reminder that the only person you have control over is yourself. Trying to change other people is an exhausting and ultimately futile effort that often leads to frustration, resentment, and disappointment.

The second ingredient is desire. You must genuinely want something different. Change doesn't happen simply because it should; it happens because the discomfort of staying the same becomes greater than the discomfort of doing something new. If you're dissatisfied with aspects of your life and feel a desire for something better, you're already moving in the right direction.

The third ingredient is willingness. For many people, this is the most challenging step. You may be fully aware of a habit or belief that is holding you back, and you may deeply desire to change it, yet still resist taking the necessary action. Willingness means being open to the process of change. It means asking for help when you need it, remaining receptive to new perspectives, trying different approaches, and consistently applying the tools and practices that support growth. True transformation doesn't happen because we wish for it, it happens because we're willing to do the work required to create it.

Once you commit to these three pieces of the puzzle, awareness, desire, and willingness, you will begin to see meaningful change take shape. As you experience progress, you'll develop greater trust in both yourself and the process, realizing that it is possible to create new habits and beliefs that support the life you want to live. You do not have to continue thinking, feeling, or behaving a certain way simply because it's what you've always done. Every moment presents an opportunity to choose differently. 

YOU ALWAYS HAVE A CHOICE.

Embracing Change, Embracing Growth

                                             

The words in the image attached to this post couldn’t feel more true to me. I know them deeply because I spent most of my adult life living with a fear of change.

Growing up my life was, for the most part, stable and predictable. I lived in the same house until I moved out on my own, my parents were married up until the day Mom died when I was 40, and there wasn’t much uncertainty in my world. Because of that, I never really learned how to navigate major change.

That all shifted when, at the age of 31, I gave birth to my daughter Hannah, who has special needs. Overnight, the balance I thought I had in my life disappeared. I felt thrown into chaos, uncertainty, and fear. This planted a deep fear of change that I struggled with for years before I chose a different way of being. 

What I eventually realized is that change itself isn’t always the hardest part, it’s the anticipation of it. Our minds race ahead, imagining every possible outcome, often focusing on the worst-case scenarios. I thought going through every possible outcome would make me feel safe.  If I saw it beforehand, I could figure out how I was going to handle it.  I didn't trust myself to know what to do on the spot.  This resulted in a true fear of change that kept me stuck in situations that weren't the best for me.  What I came to realize, however, is that change is always happening. Nothing truly stays the same, even when we convince ourselves it does.

Over time, I came to understand that progress and change are inseparable.  You can’t grow without embracing change.  I started uncovering the beliefs that fueled my fear and self-doubt and was able to transform them into empowering beliefs that no longer stood in the way of my growth. With each limiting belief I replaced, I found more evidence to reinforce the new mindset. Gradually, I retrained my brain to default to these empowered beliefs instead of the limiting ones.

A huge part of that journey was learning who I am on a deeper, soul level and understanding why I’m here in this lifetime. I believe I’m here to learn lessons, to grow, and most importantly, to learn trust. I realized I had a choice: continue reacting to change the way I always had and live in fear, or do the inner work needed to create a different experience. I chose to do the work.

That doesn’t mean change never unsettles me. Sometimes old fears still surface. The difference is that I recognize them much more quickly, and I have tools that help me move through the emotions instead of getting stuck in them. I can shift my thoughts toward ones that truly support me. Now, when those fears get triggered, I can see them for what they are and quiet the noise with compassion, awareness, and trust in myself.

The Exhaustion of Overthinking Every Outcome

                                         

I am no stranger to second-guessing myself or wanting to know the outcome before taking a leap. Up until a few years ago, knowing every possible outcome felt like a requirement before making any decision. I would analyze every option from every angle, calculate the odds of each scenario, and mentally map out my next steps depending on how things unfolded. I believed I was being prepared. Responsible, even.

What I didn’t realize was that I was pouring enormous amounts of energy into things completely outside of my control because I was deeply afraid. I was terrified that if I didn’t predict what was coming, I wouldn’t be able to handle it. Thinking through every “what if” gave me the illusion of control.

At the root of it all, I didn’t trust myself.

The truth is, we can’t control what happens around us, but we can control how we respond. What I needed to learn was how to trust that I would be able to handle whatever came my way in a productive and grounded manner. I needed to trust that I would be okay, even without knowing exactly how things would unfold.

Lacking trust in yourself is a form of self-sabotage because the only person truly suffering is you. Our brains don’t know the difference between something that is actually happening and something we are vividly imagining. The body responds the same way. Every time I mentally rehearsed worst-case scenarios, my body experienced the stress as if those things were happening in real time. Stress hormones were released. My nervous system shifted into fight-or-flight mode. And none of it was even real.

That’s what happens when we don’t trust ourselves, or when we don’t trust that we are supported and capable of navigating life as it comes.

I had faith in a higher power, Source, God, whatever name resonates with you, but that faith wasn’t embodied. Deep down, I didn’t truly believe I would be supported. I didn’t trust that I wasn’t meant to suffer. Instead, I was creating suffering through my thoughts alone.

It sounds dramatic, but it’s true. I wasn’t actually experiencing the things I feared. They existed entirely in my mind, yet my body was paying the price. I was making myself sick with stress created by imagined outcomes.

So what needs to happen?

When making decisions, we have to release the need to know the how, what, where, and when. That doesn’t happen overnight. It takes practice. It requires unpacking the beliefs and fears that keep us stuck in mistrust. But once you begin loosening your grip on control, it becomes incredibly freeing.

Start small.

Choose something low-stakes and practice not analyzing every possible outcome. Maybe it’s picking an outfit for the day or deciding where to eat dinner. Instead of overthinking it, pause and listen to your body. What feels right?

Look at your options and go with your first instinct. Don’t second-guess yourself.

If you’re choosing a restaurant with someone who says, “I don’t care where we go,” notice what you want before immediately shifting into people-pleasing mode. Too often, we know exactly what we want, but then the mind jumps in with questions like, “What if they don’t want that?” or “Maybe I should choose something else.”

That’s another form of self-sabotage. We deny ourselves our own desires because we don’t trust that our wants matter too.

Learning to trust yourself starts in these small moments. And over time, those small moments build the foundation for bigger leaps, deeper peace, and a life no longer ruled by fear of the unknown.

Breaking the anxiety loop: going from fear of the future to self-trust

According the Merriam-Webster dictionary, the medical definition of anxiety is, "an abnormal and overwhelming sense of apprehension and fear often marked by physical signs (such as tension, sweating, and increased pulse rate), by doubt concerning the reality and nature of the threat, and by self-doubt about one's capacity to cope with it."

In simple terms, anxiety is fear of the future. It often appears as overthinking, a strong need for order, a desire for predictability, and wanting to know the outcome of a decision before taking action.

Feeling anxious is a normal human response to certain situations, and it can either help or hinder us. On the positive side, it can act as a motivator, giving us the push or adrenaline rush we need to prepare for challenges like hosting an event, competing in sports, or speaking in front of a crowd. In these cases, the feeling is temporary, usually fading once the event begins, almost like shaking off nervous energy.

However, anxiety becomes harmful when it’s constant. Ongoing stress can keep the body in a prolonged state of fight-or-flight, releasing stress hormones that take a toll on both physical and emotional health over time.

The brain tends to react to imagined situations much like it does to real ones, triggering the same stress responses. So when you fixate on what could go wrong, your body responds as though those negative outcomes are actually happening.

Often, this worry stems from doubting your ability to handle whatever might come. You feel like mentally rehearsing worst-case scenarios will prepare you and bring some sense of control. But since the future is unpredictable, repeatedly running through “what if” situations only puts unnecessary strain on your mind and body without truly giving you control over what happens next.

What needs to happen is this: take time to identify and unpack the limiting beliefs that trigger feelings of fear and uncertainty. Once you bring those to light, you can begin replacing them with beliefs that support you. Over time, this retrains your brain so that stress no longer triggers worst-case thinking by default. Instead, your natural response becomes a sense of calm, grounded in the trust that you can handle whatever comes your way.

Beliefs: Limiting vs Supportive

Now that you understand emotions as energy in motion, vibrating at different frequencies, it’s worth exploring what actually triggers them: your beliefs.

Beliefs are essentially the stories you tell yourself. Some are shaped by external influences like family, community, or society, while others are formed through your own experiences. These beliefs play a major role in how you interpret and respond to events in your life and the world around you.

They generally fall into two categories: supportive and limiting. Supportive beliefs help you receive what you want and tend to feel positive in your body. For example, thinking “I am worthy” often brings a sense of ease or confidence. Limiting beliefs, on the other hand, block that flow and feel uncomfortable or discouraging, like believing “I’m not worthy.”

It’s also common to hold conflicting beliefs at the same time. For instance, you might believe that money is beneficial because it enables freedom and generosity, while also believing that money leads to corruption. When you focus on the positive aspects and imagine having more money, it can feel uplifting and motivating. But when you dwell on the negative belief, it creates discomfort and resistance.

Having both types of beliefs isn’t the issue. The challenge arises when limiting beliefs become dominant, overpowering the supportive ones and influencing your thoughts, feelings, and actions more strongly.

You don’t attract what you say you want, you attract what you consistently embody. If the dominant energy you’re putting out aligns with the belief that money is corrupting, then you’ll unconsciously block the level of financial abundance you’re aiming for, regardless of your intentions. Money, like love, carries a high, expansive energy. Fear-based beliefs about money operate at a lower level, creating a mismatch. To receive more, your internal state needs to align with that higher frequency.

What can you do? Start by noticing when you feel emotionally activated. Pay attention to what you’re thinking, what you’re watching and listening to, and who you’re around in those moments. Instead of resisting the feeling, let it move through you, like water flowing over a rock, then gently guide your thoughts toward a more supportive belief, one that feels lighter and more empowering.

How can you tell when a limiting belief is in charge? Usually, it shows up as discomfort. You might feel anxious, irritated, heavy, or even physical tension somewhere in your body. Your body is a reliable signal, it reflects your emotional state, which is shaped by your beliefs. When you learn to recognize these cues, it becomes much easier to interrupt the pattern and shift toward a more supportive perspective.

With consistent practice, you can retrain your mind. Over time, those empowering beliefs become more natural, and your default response begins to align with the version of you that’s open to receiving more abundance.

Laying the foundation - let's talk about energy!

 Before I begin the conversation of trust, it's critical to lay the foundation by talking about energy.  Bear with me as I geek out for a bit :)  It's important to understand the science of energy because it directly relates to the emotions felt in the body.  Emotion means energy in motion: E-motion!

Okay, here's the physics of energy.  Are you ready????  Let's go!!!!!

Everything in the Universe is made up of atoms and those atoms have electrons moving around them at a very high rate of speed. This causes the atom to vibrate at a specific frequency.  I want you to think about what happens when you put a pot of water on the stove and turn the heat on.  Water is made of molecules of two hydrogen atoms bonded to one oxygen atom.  When the water is cold, the molecules are moving slowly, vibrating at a low frequency and the water is dense.  Slowly, the water closest to the heat gets warmer and the molecules begin moving at a faster rate vibrating at a higher frequency.  As a result, the water becomes less dense as the molecules bump into each other causing them to spread out and rise to the top.  Eventually, all the water molecules in the pot are moving so fast,  bumping into each other, and spreading out that there is a phase change where liquid water becomes a gas - steam. 

Emotions are very much like the water molecules in this example. Those that vibrate at a low frequency are more dense and feel heavy in the body.  Some examples are fear, anger, shame, and guilt.  Emotions that vibrate at a high frequency are less dense and feel light in the body.  Examples of these are peace, joy, and love.  Think about this for a minute:  when you feel sad or fearful, it's a heavy feeling in the body and your shoulders might sag but when you feel love and joy, you feel light, airy and energetic and hold your head up high.  

Because emotions have a frequency to their vibration they trigger different responses in the body.  By the way, you will NEVER hear me say there are good and bad emotions.  All of them are important and serve a purpose.  I will always refer to them as low or high frequency.  Emotions that vibrate at a low frequency trigger the release of hormones, such as cortisol, that damage the cells in the body which can lead to illness.  Emotions that vibrate at a high frequency trigger the release of hormones, such as serotonin, dopamine, and endorphins, that bathe the cells of the body helping to regulate the nervous system and heal the body. 

Below is the Map of Consciousness, developed by David R. Hawkins, which shows the energetic frequency of different emotions.  Keep in mind, emotions are not quantifiable so the number is a representation of how one emotion differs from another. The lower the number, the lower the frequency of the vibration and the heavier it feels in the body thereby the more damage it does to the body when one sits for prolonged periods in the emotion.  Notice shame and grief are at the bottom.  Anyone who has felt these emotions knows the heaviness of them.  Notice, now, the high frequency emotions such as peace, joy, and love.  These emotions feel good in the body and are light.

It is natural to move throughout the map in any given day, sometimes in any given moment.  You might be peaceful one second and something happens that shifts you into fear.  The key to regulating your nervous system is being aware of the shift downward, allowing yourself to feel it, and then moving through it by using tools I will teach you in future blog entries.  

It's important to note that emotions are alarm systems. When we feel those that don't feel good, it's an alarm that something we are thinking, hearing, or seeing isn't aligned with our higher self which is always in a high frequency. They aren't something to run from, they're something to address and move through in order to get back  to the emotions that support us. 

Welcome to "Where Doubt Ends, Trust Begins"

 Welcome to my blog!  

Have you ever felt weighed down by doubt? Wondered if a decision will truly support you or steer you off course? Do you find it hard to ask for help or to trust others to do things “right”? If so, this blog is for you.

I’m writing to share my journey from self-doubt to self-trust, exploring the many ways mistrust shows up in everyday life. Self-trust is the foundation for all other trust. We often think the issue lies in trusting others, but in reality, it’s difficult to fully trust anyone if we don’t first trust ourselves.

Like most people, my life has included both highs and lows, times of growth and times of deep struggle. As the youngest of six children, I learned early on to protect myself by building a tough outer shell. Trust didn’t come easily to me, and that pattern followed me into adulthood, showing up in many different ways.

In each blog post, I’ll focus on a specific way mistrust appears in daily behavior and offer practical ways to shift toward patterns that support rather than undermine you.

Learning to trust yourself isn’t a single breakthrough, it’s an ongoing process that requires awareness, time, and consistency. It’s built through small, intentional steps that create momentum. Over time, those steps grow into the confidence to move toward what you truly want, trusting that when something feels aligned, it’s the right choice.

By sharing how mistrust has shown up in my own life, I hope to help you recognize the patterns that keep you stuck in doubt, and offer grounded, practical ways to begin trusting yourself again, especially in moments of uncertainty.