According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, the word "typical" means "combining or exhibiting the essential characteristics of a group" or "conforming to a type."
As a society, we naturally categorize and label people based on perceived similarities and differences. We put people into proverbial boxes because we believe doing so helps us understand them or will help us better support them. While labelling is often done with the best of intentions, they can also separate people, making them feel different or like they don't belong.
When I taught middle school, our school counselor led a student group called Labels Are for Jars. I've never forgotten that name because it's true: labels belong on jars, not on people.
My 26-year-old daughter is considered neurodivergent because her brain doesn't function in the way society has defined as typical. A sliding scale has been created for human brains, deciding what falls within the "normal" range and what falls outside of it. It's essentially a game of averages. The largest group becomes the norm, while everyone else is measured against it and is seen as outside the norm.
When I stop and think about that, it seems absurd. Every human brain is unique. No two people think in exactly the same way. Even identical twins, who share the same DNA, don't have identical thoughts, personalities, or ways of processing the world.
Perhaps the problem isn't that some people are neurodivergent. Perhaps the problem is our assumption that there is such a thing as a truly "typical" brain. If every brain is unique then we're all neurodivergent. The differences simply vary in ways that are more or less noticeable.
The damage that has been caused by categorizing people is that we've inadvertently created a hierarchy in which some groups are viewed as more acceptable than others. The moment a "typical" group is established we also create the "other" groups that don't fit the perceived norm. Whether intended or not, this division encourages an us-versus-them mindset and can create tension between groups.
These categories have also contributed to the marginalization of people whose needs differ from those of the majority. Because systems are often designed around what is considered typical, those outside the norm frequently require additional accommodations simply to have equal access and opportunity. Yet those accommodations are sometimes perceived as giving them "extra" or "more than everyone else," which can foster resentment among people who don't understand that the goal is equity, not special treatment.
What if, instead of organizing people into groups based on perceived differences, we focused on understanding and meeting each person's individual needs? If everyone's needs were recognized as equally valid, support wouldn't be viewed as an extra benefit but as a natural part of treating people as individuals. That shift in perspective could reduce much of the resentment that grows from comparing one group to another.
Making that shift is easier said than done. Most of us have been raised to notice similarities and differences, to sort people into categories, and to judge those categories often without realizing we're doing it. Changing that way of thinking requires us to move beyond labels and toward seeing each person as an individual rather than as a representative of a group.
The human brain is a judgement machine but judgment is not innate. It is shaped through experience and learning. Babies aren't born knowing what is safe and what is dangerous. They learn that distinction, over time, through experience and guidance from others. For example, we teach young children not to touch a hot stove because they can get hurt. Sometimes they listen without first-hand experience and other times they need to get burned to learn. Either way, they learn to judge whether a stove will hurt them or not from that point on.
Children are born tolerant. They aren't born being aware of differences and judging them as dangerous. They are taught how to judge safe vs harmful or same vs different in the process of growing up just as they were taught to judge the difference in a stove that is hot and will hurt them vs one that isn't hot and won't hurt them.
The same process occurs with people. Children are not born judging those who are different from them. Young children are often naturally curious rather than judgmental. As they grow, they learn from the messages they receive from parents, peers, schools, media, and society about who belongs, who doesn't, what is considered "normal," and what is considered different. Just as they learn to distinguish between a stove that is dangerous and one that is safe, they also learn to associate certain differences with acceptance or rejection.
Tolerance is inherent. Intolerance is learned.
Understanding how judgment is learned helps us recognize that intolerance of human differences is learned as well. It often begins when we categorize people based on perceived similarities and differences. While categories may seem harmless, or even helpful, they can shape how we see others before we ever get to know them as individuals.
It's important to remember that we are all alike and we are all different. We all belong to the human race and share the same basic human needs and experiences but each of us is unique in our beliefs, ways of thinking, personalities, interests, strengths, and challenges. No two people are exactly alike.
Every person possesses gifts and faces challenges. Both are essential parts of who we are. Rather than viewing our differences as strengths versus weaknesses or reasons to rank one person above or below another, let's recognize them for what they are: the qualities that make each individual unique.
I don't expect society to abandon labels overnight. But each of us can become more aware of how we think. We can notice when we're making assumptions about someone because they belong to a particular group and remind ourselves that no one is the "typical" representative of any category.
The greatest irony is that the one thing we all have in common is our uniqueness. There truly is no "typical" human being. We are united by our shared humanity and distinguished by our individual differences.
Instead of dividing us, let's allow those differences to broaden our perspectives and make the world a more interesting and compassionate place.
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